“I’m all jacked up on Mountain Dew…” -Texas Ranger, Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby

Ever have moments when you feel as if you’re going a thousand miles an hour but aren’t moving anywhere? Your mind is steadily racing; reminding you of this, analyzing that, like a never-ending cycle. You think of something and you jolt to do it, you remember something else and you trot off to do that.  It seems like every time you sit down to take a break; your mind reminds you of something else that needs to be done and you jump up and sprint off to take care of it. My hubby calls this being wired. It’s moving to sounds and/or thoughts without realizing that you’re doing it. Sounds crazy, I know.

That’s why I completely disagreed with him when he told me that I was wired. I’m not wired, I’m completely tame, what does he know; he’s not inside my body. Last weekend I tried to make myself do nothing, and I almost lost my mind! I cleaned a bit, I paced, I went outside, I played with my dog, I tried deep breathing exercises, I played a few games on my phone, I even tried writing, but nothing helped. I felt like I had drank several energy drinks and was about to rocket to the moon. What is my deal? I tried mediation thinking that that would help, but my mind would not shut up! I kept singing songs, making lists, and daydreaming. I even did yoga on the Wii a few times. I’m a jack of all trades and master of none. I’ve since sought out spirituality, in hopes of finding the answers. This may sound corny, but in order for me to find peace, I’ll have to learn to find peace with myself.

 

It took me a while to figure this out, but the amount of baggage we hold onto is ridiculous. All that garbage creates a mind filled with chaos. Letting all that stuff go and learning to forgive will be the hardest thing some of us do.  The past is the past no matter how hard we sit around and analyze it. It will never change, so swallow that pill and accept it. There is no time machine and all we can do is work to make better decisions in the future. Now to step down off of my soap box, being confident and happy in your own skin is equally important. It’s letting my freak flag show, and anybody who has anything to say about it can kiss my Missy Piggy shoestring holders, ha! It’s smiling and laughing at yourself when you make boneheaded mistakes, because they will happen. Apologizing when you’re wrong, because unfortunately we can’t always be right and it’s going that extra mile to help somebody else and doing it with a cheerful heart. And hopefully, at the end of this rainbow, I’ll find the peace that I’m looking for. J