Are We Keeping Score?

 Rivers and Sanford (2018) conducted a study to determine if negative relationship behaviors were more important than positive behaviors among couples who were experiencing stressful life events. In relationships, why do we seem to remember more of the bad than the good? It is the things that we wished we didn’t say, the broken promises that we vowed to keep, and the missed opportunities to admit that we were wrong. Gottman determined that it takes five positive behaviors to undue one negative, and the way in which we interact with one another can negatively or positively affect our overall wellbeing and our relationship satisfaction (Rivers & Sanford, 2018). The study showed that it is our perceptions of betrayal and harm that are more salient than our perceptions of support during stressful times, and even in small doses, negative behaviors significantly impact relationship satisfaction. If it takes five positive behaviors to erase one negative behavior, one might agree that indeed we are inherently keeping score.